Here Lies Ping, Resident Ghost of St. John's Island

"Well Seth, this weekend, those visiting Singapore should venture out to its newest hot spot, 'Woooooaaaaaa' . . . this ancient quarantine centre turned getaway has it all: barbed wire, stray cats with stunted tails, ghosts of cholera victims, ghosts of political detainees, ghosts of opium addicts . . . and an abandoned cafeteria to top it all off!"

Okay, Stefan.

In reality, don't be fooled. Though this may sound like the typical banter of Stefan, the flamboyant Weekend Update guest on Saturday Night Live, Wooooaaaaa (aka St. John's Island) exists, just as I described it. So try to contain your envy, readers, because I went to visit this past weekend!

The 'ghosts' may be a stretch, but this tiny island situated a mere 6.5 km from Singapore's coast is pitched to tourists as a "weekend vacay away from the city". Needless to say, I was shocked to find that its history is riddled with dark twists: first, this tiny bit of land was designated for housing choleric immigrants in the early 20th century, only to transform into a facility for political exilees, then a rehabilitation centre for opium addicts (after Singapore out-lawed mass immigration about 60 years ago). American Horror Story would go wild with this one. The island is marked with long, daunting barbed wire fences, rows of barracks resembling the garrisons of a less-than-cheerful concentration camp, and cats. Stacks on stacks o' cats. (Forgive this reference).

This cat, which (shout out to Katie Streiffer) reminded me of the calico she so poignantly photographed mid-hiss in Mykonos, had an incredibly long tongue, which it kept ululating (never thought I'd use that word for any real reason) like Spongebob so often does in ... Spongebob. (Point of reference: Spongebob)

However, this cat was my favorite: -->

So wonderfully displeased, so obviously irritated, he's like the Ron Swanson of felines. I presume he reigns supreme over the other cats of the island, inspiring reluctant obedience with every side-eye in his subjects' direction. CAT-herine the Great, if you will. (Gender ambiguities aside).

Actually, once we walked past this rather grim side of the island, the abundantly green, tropical forests and white-sand/green-sea beaches proved its "vacay" name accurate, and the other island nearby, Kusu Island, was equally beautiful. Kusu is known for it's "spirituality", with temples devoted to the Merchant Goddess in honor of prosperity, fertility, and luck. A 152-stair climb into the trees led us to a little shrine, covered in yellow paint and the wishes of previous visitors, praying for "full marks on exams" (an indication of the studious nature of Singaporeans), praying for family and friends, etc. One prayer in particular stated "Good for Baby. Good for Girlfriend. Good for Boyfriend." Good for Baby, indeed.

^ View from the nice side of St. John's

> The shrine in the trees.

I know I've spoken a lot of this day in particular, but it was a nice one, especially being away from the bustle of the city. I even found a set of three bones, possibly human size, potentially vertebrae! We decided they probably belonged to "Ping," the escaped opium addict attempting a swim to Kusu island. His ghost still inhabits St. John's (and perhaps, now, the plastic bag I have hanging from my window with the bones in it. Creepy, I know, but I wanted to figure out what they were. Still need to consult the local orthopedic surgeon. I'm sure he or she would appreciate delving into this wildly pressing issue with me!)

Otherwise, Singapore has been wonderful. The city is a fascinating blend of metropolitan-meets-"traditional", in that a few train stops from the sleek and manicured downtown could release one into Little India, a crowded, aromatic, street-market oriented section of the city that lives fully up to its name. Chinatown maintains a similar atmostphere, though it is much heavier on the shopping and far more tourist-y, I thought, than the former. This dichotomous nature is extensive -- I've found myself sandwiched between strapping business men, probably handling millions on an average work day, and older women in miu-mius who looked at me incredulously when I asked what the time was (as they spoke no English).

I even saw a man doing tai-chi in the park yesterday, next to a sign that said "Don't feed the wild monkeys!" next to an industrial plant.

I've also noticed a city-wide near-obsession with shopping. Anytime I ask locals for advice on attractions and lesser-known places to see, they inevitably suggest either Sentosa, the beach-turned-amusement park I mentioned in my last post, or a mall. Every time. One mall in particular took Abbey and me an entire fifteen minutes to walk from end to end. This place even includes in indoor strip of water on which one can pay for a boat-ride. Through the mall. I do not get the attraction, but to each his own. [The mall is sitting directly on Marina Bay, so the boatride makes sense, I suppose. Marina Bay, by the way, is lovely (consult the "Photos" tab for pictures ... photos, in the Photos tab? You don't say!). And now I feel that I've used the word 'mall' enough for a lifetime, so I'll continue on.]

Singapore is populated by nearly 5.5 million people within a very small area (Wikipedia, you erudite sage), so as you can imagine, the crowds can be immense. Especially walking through the MRT station, or the subway. It is here that I have made a most vexing discovery: for whatever reason, Singaporeans walk at a GLACIAL pace. While this is a generalization, it is also objectively true. Of almost everyone. My first instinct was to compare this typical sluggish gait to that of the risen dead in 'Scooby Doo on Zombie Island,' but then Abbey said "what's that," so I'll include a video to better inform the masses. Also, go watch the movie, you lowbrow philistines.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkNask_pMKo

Now, having seen this, you can imagine the exasperation, the sheer agony of walking amongst hundreds of fellow transit occupants, trying and failing to weave throughout the throng just to get from point A to point B within a mere ten years. On the rare occassion that I see someone sprinting or rushing even remotely, I always just shake my head, wondering how many thousands of minutes they wasted away shuffling before they realized they were moving at 1/100th speed. I suppose I just anticipated a bit more of a "New York pace," given Singapore's urban reputation, but like I said, this city defies expectations in the most unusual ways.

In general, I really am loving the city though. I wouldn't call myself a city person, but I enjoy being here. Singapore has so much to offer: the harbor, the "night-life" (clubs still providing ample entertainment -- see below), the people, and, one of my now-favorite aspects, the gardens.

I've talked at great length about my excitement for the "trees", and, thank heavens, they have not disappointed! The range of trees is marvelous -- from the Sea Almond, to the Saga, the Trumpet Tree, to the Senegal Mahogony, the regal plant-life is awe inspiring. I especially liked the Botanic Gardens, which offered a range of exhibit-like gardens through which one could walk for hours. Abbey and I visited the Healing Garden (where we learned which plants healed pustules, boils, fevers, 'bowel issues', and nausea . . . throwing my antiseptic/peptobismal out forever!), the Foliage Garden (...leaves...), the Ginger Garden, and my personal favorite, the Evolution Garden. This was a Mesozoic paradise, with plants and trees that originated hundreds of millions of years ago. At every turn, I nearly expected a pterodactyl to swoop down and pick up little Abbey for a midday meal.

Again, consult "Photos" for more images. And despite this website assuming we all have telescopic eyes, I'll add that there is a discreet, almost unnoticeable "See More" button at the bottom, where you can (shockingly) see more!

Also briefly, I'll list my classes, and then thank you all for once again bearing with me through this probably long but hopefully somewhat redeeming entry. It's been a real pleasure!

I'm taking 4 classes: Visual Art and Culture (an art history class), Government and Politics of Singapore (self-explanatory), History of Muslim South-east Asia, and the one for which I'm most excited: Thai Drawing and Painting. This includes a trip to Thailand, where we will be drawing and painting and sculpting in Buddhist temples for nearly a week! I am genuinely quite enthused for this upcoming spring break.

Before I sign off, I must add one last bit.

I'm hoping to make it a tradition to add a "clubbing" anecdote weekly or bi-weekly, as these experiences have not yet ceased to amuse me. Most recently, I went to a club called "Attica," where the music was so loud I could hear literally 0 things in any given conversation. So, I decided to play a bit of a game. Much like Ted's (failed) attempts in that How I Met Your Mother episode, I just started making up the most ridiculous sentences I could think of, and to my pleasure, not a soul could detect the difference.

Real-life conversation, documented here:

Him: So where are you from? (I'm assuming, no idea what he actually said)

Me: I'm from outer-space! Mars, actually. Well, I moved there when I was 9. Before I lived in Hell. Pretty grim place!

Him: Wow, blah blah blah?

Me: Yeah! I breed cannibal bunnies in my spare time, and I'm a Satan worshipper! I also have the shape of Orion's Belt pierced into my stomach!

Him: Same!!!

Me: Your eyebrows gross me out!

Him: Hahaha, I like this song too!

Ah, Singapore night-life, I do believe we will be friends.

Thus far, my few weeks (11 days, really) here have been both delightful and challenging, but that is to be expected. I'll certainly be writing more as time progresses, and soon, these entries will include my travels to other countries, too!

Bye, lah! (A Singlish suffix).